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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Al-Anon Community's LiveJournal:

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Friday, January 13th, 2012
3:13 pm
Touchy issue
I'm hoping to get an unbiased opinion here on something that I have no idea how to handle.  I'm in a 12-step group that just started up, and only has about 5 regulars thus far.  We've been going 6 months, and had just gotten enough funds to start getting some decent literature in.  I'm the group rep. and the literature person (most of us took multiple service roles, since there weren't enough people yet to take them all).  However, our appointed treasurer has gotten more and more disorganized, and misses about half the meetings.  I was never reimbursed for the literature we purchased, even after multiple attempts (she just didn't have the cash on her, she said), and then when money that was supposed to be mailed to our district was never received (long after she said she sent it), we started suspecting she was stealing the funds. 

I've been in 12 step groups for over 25 years, and not once has something like this happened.  If we confront her directly, it could at best have her come clean and get us a new treasurer...OR she could leave the meeting entirely, which I wouldn't want (we all need help, after all), OR it could cause a schism in the already tiny group that breaks it apart permanently!  Has this situation ever happened to other 12-step groups?  How was it handled?  WHO handled it? The Secretary?  A larger oversight committe?  I just don't know, and it breaks my heart to have it come to this.
Thursday, January 15th, 2009
10:23 am
My alcoholic bf confessed yesterday that he's stolen from me on more than one occasion in order to buy alcohol.  Has anyone else gone through this with an addicted loved one?  Any suggestions for getting over it and rbeuilding? 
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
9:14 am
My Story
I've been with my fiancee for 4 years.  During the time I've known him, I've watched him lose so much to alcohol---his job (he was an IT tech, and this was the fourth job he's lost to alcohol), lots of friends (he broke commitments), etc.  For the past 3 years, since he lost his job--- because he was drinking while at work---his dad has been paying the mortgage on his condo and all of his bills (his mom has passed), and he barely functions---we still go out and do things together and he sees some friends socially, but during the day when everyone is at work, he just sits at home.  When his unemployment check comes in, he drinks it all away.  Literally all of it.  He often breaks plans when the cash comes in just so he can stay home and drink.

Perhaps I've been sticking my nose where it didn't belong---I've been in touch with his dad and together we convinced him to go to rehab (he drank 3 days after he got out) and lately I've been calling his dad when he drinks to make sure he doesn't give him money to go on a spree while erroneously thinking it would go to some bill.  Also, I want to make sure his dad knows how bad his problem is---after all, his dad is in a unique position that I'm not---he holds the purse strings and, while he can't stop him from drinking, he can stop the money from flowing in.  A few times his dad has taken my fiancee's unemployment check in order to pay bills around the house, and that at least kept him from drinking it away.

Well, last week (the night before Thanksgiving, actually), my fiancee found out that I'd been telling his dad when he drinks.  I told him that I wouldn't stop doing that, so he broke up with me. 

My fiancee has made some great advances over the past few months---he has dabbled in AA and just went from having a temporary sponsor to having a permanent one.  But he just can't stop drinking and shows no hope of being able to hold down a job or really function anytime soon, and his dad seems to be enabling his behavior.

A part of me is grateful that my fiancee had the guys to do what I didn't---end this relationship that is being poisoned by his drinking.  The other part doesn't want to let go.  

So, there it is.  Also, a question: Have any of your alcoholic loved ones had any success on Antabuse?  My fiancee's doctor mentioned it, and I was wondering about personal experiences. 
(sorry---x-posted quite a bit)
Monday, March 10th, 2008
2:33 pm
 I am doing REALLY well. And since this is such a big deal for me and since for once I have something postive to share I thought I might as well post about it.

I am in a small group that meets after a regular Al-Anon meeting to work in depth through the steps. It is not an offical al-anon group, it pretty much is, but not being offical lets us share more and follow a different formatt to just get to the nitty gritty of step work. We have been using Steps to Recovery (I think that is the name of the book - the book is approved lit.) and I can so recommend that. We spend as much time as we need often several weeks on each question in the step takeing months on each. Well I can say that this process has been great for me, really emotional, revealing and in depth. We are all very honest and open and really truely trust eachother. We have all said that the room/table (where we meet) is a sacred place and we feel safer there than anywhere else. That being said we have all shared some really really personal stuff, however there was one thing from my past that I knew I probably should, and needed to share with someone (or a sponsor, and in fact it is probably what kept me from selecting a sponsor). Well this had weighed on me to share, who to share with, what they would think as long as I was aware of the step process, and really for 11 years now (way before I knew about al-anon). Last Saturday something happened. No, last Saturday God cleared a path for me, physically, emotionally, spiritually and not just for me but for others. I hadn't been to that particular meeting for a months. I used to go regularly but I had company so I skipped then it just became easy not to go. Really I know I was dreading going because I knew we were getting closer and closer to the completeion of the 5th step and I knew I couldn't complete that and move on (for myself) unless I really truely shared it all.  That morning my husband asked me if I was going, I said I didn't know.  What I really meant was no.  He said he thought it would really be good for me.  I had told him before how special that meeting/group was to me.  And frankly he probably also meant that he thought it would be good for me to get out of the house.  (I haven't much lately because I am trying to go through everything we own and purge of stuff, and going out usually means shopping which would be counterproductive.)  It was dark and pouring outside so I responded "I will go if it stops raining".  Well about 45 min later it stopped raining, not only that but the clouds moved away and it was beautiful and sunny outside.  I nodded to God and reluctantly said "ok I'll go".  

When I got to the meeting, (there is a regular one before the one I was going to) the room was packed.  But to my surprise only 3 of us myself included were staying for the step group meeting.  The question they were on was about honesty, trust and acceptance.  I kept welling up and trying to hide it, all the while having an arguement inside myself about sharing.  One of the people there was someone I had been carefully calculating in my mind for some time as a person I might share this secret with.  And one point about halfway through the meeting the other person started to talk and abruptly stopped and said, "is there something you would like to say? I just feel like there is something going on with you and before we go further I want t give you a chance".  That was it, those gentle words was all it took to unlock a flood held back 11 years.  It was painful, but I was accepted and I even felt understood.  After years of fearing judgement, when the words flowed I felt none, nor did I worry about it, I didn't even want to say "now this just stays here".  It was understood and I still don't worry about it days later.  I literally felt lighter.  I felt that this burden I had been dragging had been taken from me.  And I know that God stopped the rain, I know that those two people and only those two came to that meeting that day as part of divine providence.  I know that I can finish up step 5 now and know it is done.  I know now that I can move on.  This is an incredible blessing, that I can be made to feel free and whole again.  And I am so overcome I want to share this experience with you all.

I would like to leave you with this:
Meetings are sacred places, each of you could be those special people to someone else.  
The steps work!  The 4th and 5th steps are scary and at times painful, but they breed knowledge, then wisdom and finally freedom.

Thank you for letting me share.

Current Mood: thankful
Sunday, September 23rd, 2007
9:42 pm
Al Anon First Day
I wanted to take this time and thank you for accepting my request to join the online community for Al-Anon. I am a ten month member, participating in Al Anon. I have a sister in recovery for the second time, at what I believe is one of the best places I have ever seen. Although addiction is a very difficult ordeal, it has brought me many great gifts such as my own recovery and the many gifts I receive from my friends in Al-Anon. I am also relived to find a group online that I may learn more about addiction, the program and the twelve steps each day. Thank you again!

Monday, May 21st, 2007
11:44 am
New Book from Al-Anon
Back in April, I attended a non-Al-Anon spiritual retreat that was geared toward 12-step recovery people. While it gave me a chance to look at some things I normally would blow off in my busy daily life, it made me feel extremely uncomfortable, and I had some trouble figuring out why. As it turned out, I went to an Al-Anon convention in Northern Michigan a few weeks later and picked up Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, a new book from WSO that came out this year. I was amazed at some of the things I read in it, especially these items on pages 50-51:

The more we apply the Al-Anon ideas, the more changes we will see in ourselves. Along with these new and exciting changes may also come a sense of loss: Loss of our old selves, our old belief systems, our old ways of living, and sometimes our old relationships. It may seem strange to grieve for the parts of ourselves that led us to treat ourselves so poorly; but change - even good change - can trigger loss.....After divorce, one member felt suicidal: "Then I realized that it wasn't me, but part of my belief system that needed to die."

One of the things I had to come into touch with was my tendency toward being chronically angry. I used it as a defense mechanism to keep myself safe, and it served me well to help me get out of an unhealthy relationship six years ago. However, the price I have paid for it was being clinically depressed and having weird aches and pains that turn out to be nothing when I go to a doctor and have dozens of tests run. There is much more, but I will leave it at that. At any rate, the book is turning out to be an interesting read and enlightening.

Current Mood: contemplative
Saturday, January 20th, 2007
9:57 pm
I am an addict in recovery.
My mother is supposed to be but she uses "presciption" pills as her drug of choice.
She gets migraines and the doctors give her tons of pills.
i cannot be apart of her self destruction.

please help me.
Tuesday, January 9th, 2007
1:15 pm
Burning point...
At times, I have looked back on what my father could’ve had, and I couldn’t help but think of what a waste it was, and how stupid he was for losing it all. He had a job, a wife, a family, people who loved him and wanted to make him happy, but it was never good enough, and therefore he abused it all until he had nothing but the clothes on his back and a crappy one-room apartment. At the same time, I know there have been times in my life, whether it was a creative endeavor, job, relationship or some other major part of my life, where I’ve done exactly the same thing. For instance, when my band dissolved shortly after high school, I burned my songs. In a fit of self-loathing and despair, I incinerated an entire notebook, forty songs and poems/lyrics that were finished or in progress, all gone in a pile of ashes in a long-forgotten vacant lot somewhere. All because it wasn’t good enough, could NEVER be good enough to show to the world.

Instead of looking back and comparing this to my fathers behavior, I blamed him for it. I was angry at him, thinking it was all his fault that I loathed myself and my endeavors so much, and had this driving force within me that both pushed me to excel, then trashed it all when it was never good enough. Only now do I look back and see that behind the alcohol and drug abuse, it was that same drive that caused him to lose everything that he held dear. He never felt he was a good enough father, worker, musician, or man overall. The pressure of it caused him to go into self-destruct, driving out all that was positive in his life, including his wife and children.

Today, I almost screwed it all up again. I was ready to give up the band I manage, because our gigs weren’t high-paying or numerous, our pianist wasn’t cooperating enough, our bassist wasn’t available enough, we weren’t playing the very best clubs…completely ignoring how far we’ve come in the one year we’ve been together, despite our differences. I almost lost it all, until I thought of my father, and how much it hurt the people around him when he simply gave up trying. It wouldn’t just be me losing it all…it’d be my band mates, my family, and the people that have listened to and supported us so much this far.

At some point, I have to stop blaming my upbringing for my past (I could go back and forth for years trying to figure out whether it was environment or biology that makes me think that way), and deal with these feelings head-on. It needs to be enough to have a good home, a good family, and a band that just loves to play, regardless of how much extra cash it brings in. I have to stop obsessing over my endeavors, and letting my fragile sense of self-worth destroy the good things I have in my life. I can’t reach that burning point again, that watches everything I’ve worked so hard to accomplish go up in flames. I must, because next time it might not be just songs and poems that burned out forever.
Wednesday, October 11th, 2006
4:10 pm
An idea occured to me
Something that just hit me today.
while I am not saying this is always true, here is where my thought process took me.

I was IMing a friend this morning and feeling extremely annoyed with my husband. He has been irritating and driving me crazy the last couple of days. Right after I sent that message I thought something new; "What if he wasn't annoying what if I was dissatisfied with myself?" While I stand by that he is actually annoying *giggle* I also acknowledge that I have been feeling very dissatisfied. I have been irritated that we came back from our vacation early and that in this week between the two vacations I haven't gotten all I want to done, and as I tried to get things done yesterday, I did get work done, but really didn't complete anything so I could cross it off the list, leaving me feeling like I didn't accomplish anything. Although he might be irritating, I see that most of that irritation comes from my own dissatisfaction and apprehension (as we have another week of vacation, that I feel responsible for; and he will have to start another job hunt when we return). So "Just for Today" I will set small goals so I can have some little accomplishments and feel better about myself.
Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
4:43 pm
Still no word.  If I don't hear from him today it will be the longest he has been gone.  I worry.  I haven't done any calling around for him yet, I had done that before, but I felt this was his thing and I would be meddling and trying to control so I haven't called his work sponcer etc.  But I kind of wonder how inapproprate it would be to call his sponcer.  Not to "tell on him" but because quite honestly I don't know what I should do, if anything.  The same nice people who gave me a ride to the friday meeting took me to 2 meetings they go to sat morning.  It was good to get out.  The second meeting is on the 4th step which is great because it is where I am now, and I find it really helpful.  I am kind of excided at the same time as being nervious to work on it.  I like the idea of finding me again.  I have kind of been working more towards that over the last couple of years too (without al=anon.  I am totally starting to come apart now.  I can't help worrying, wondering if he left me etc.  But at the same time, I would be surprised just because when he did leave for work everything was good and he made plans for us to go to the zoo the next day.  I am avoiding worrying that he is hurt or something.  I used to always worry about that, and I always told him some time I would stop worrying about that and he would actually need me and I wouldn't be checking on him anymore.  I have a lot of ideas on how to never be put in this position again when (and at this point it is becomeing an "if") he returns.  And because this is going on the longest I haven't heard from him I am really feeling sick inside, like what if something is wrong and I hate myself forever for not checking sooner.  I could kill myself with "what ifs"  - that being said I really would feel responsible for not doing more if something had indeed happened.  I did nothing to deserve this, everything was fine.  I just can't understand this cruel disease.  I can't understand him.  I will call tomarrow and try to get a ride with someone for mondays meeting.  But I am dying.  I feel like I did good to keep busy for this many days, but I just don't feel like I can do it anymore.  And it is pretty tough when you are stuck at home.  I just feel so alone, even with the people who know I feel embarrised like they think I did something or that he has left me.  But I just don't understand why.  They say the drinker doesn't need a reason to drink, and maybe I am just too intellectual but I think there is always a reason, or at least a trigger.  I am so glad that there are groups like this online to tide me over between meetings.  And I am sorry that I spilling all my personal stuff out, but the support has been so helptful I thank you.
Friday, September 1st, 2006
9:27 am
Thank you guys so much.  Still no word.  I haven't broken down yet either.  I guess in a lot of ways I am just avoiding stuff, but I do think I am dealing better too.  I wouldn't say that I have been super productive, but I haven't been absolutely paralized either.  I am avoiding thinking about the future (what I want to do or say when I see him again).  I guess I do have some feelings but for the most part I feel numb.  But I am currently feeling that if I have to do everything by myself, I don't want the extra stress of keeping him afloat.  I kind of wish I had a go between so that when he does call or show up, someone else could tell him my wishes and he could just go away and I wouldn't have to see him and he wouldn't get to see me.  I kind of just don't want to remember him.  I guess I have been all "strong" etc, but everytime he does this it feels like I have been left, like a divorce or something.  And then he is back...  I don't really know, well everything - but I know that this is beyond not fair to me and I just don't have the energy to do this anymore.  about a month ago I was struggling with approprate expectations vs. being a sucker.  Taking him back just seems a lot like being a sucker. 

Current Mood: edgy
Thursday, August 31st, 2006
3:55 pm
My higher power really worked it out with me once I stepped out of my comfort zone.  I was reaminded in my monday group that I need to call people.  Something which I guess I had known I should do, but avoided.  I feel ackward calling people I don't know that well for no particualr reason or worse for a particular reason!  But I broke down and called  someone today.  And she offered  to pick me up :D  I hate accepting rides (whole other childhood issue) but if ever I needed a meeting it would be now.  So I will get to go to my meeting afterall.  I felt totally stupid calling and used my super chipper phone voice (reflex) so I am sure my cheery "if you don't see my tomarrow it is because my husband is still drinking and has the car" sounded ludicrus!  But I have a ride and an outlet (meeting &eatting out after) for the day which will be good for me. 
10:57 am
Hanging in there
Well still no sign of my husband.  I put a hold on the credit card (since I am primary).   Yes I probably should have done that before, but I took a day longer to break down and do it last time.  This is only the second time I have done this.  I guess no matter how much he bitches he just doesn't get to carry any sort of money now.  His work did call me last night.  Which stressed me more.  They just asked for him and fortunately that was it.  I am pretty sure that if he doesn't go to work tonight he has lost him job.  I really struggle with that.  where we live and only haveing one car it makes it really really really tricky at the least for us both to be working.  If he loses his job I suppose I will start working again and try and get some good jobs.  So then he wont be working (and somehow I don't see him doing the dishes, laundry, mowing, or any of the household painting remodling etc).  The other option is driving him to work myself, but we can't afford that literally.  On the "big picture" side I think getting fired would be good for him.  He is charming and has always been able to hold on to jobs before (of course at his last job his boss was usually the one buying the drinks the night before).  So getting fired might shake him up.  On the shorthand it would SCREW us.  I am struggling to keep the finaces going as it is (included much of his accrewed debt in my name due to court stuff from an owi), even missing a week of his small paycheck could put us really behind.  He also has 2 weeks vacation coming up, and I would HATE for that to be forfit.  we were going to go camping in the mountains.  And (laugh) my parents are visiting in a week.  Nice!  So selfishly even if it isn't "for him" I hope that he tries to buy something and it get rejected and he sobers up and comes home.  I have never called anyone from al-anon before but my regular friday meeting is coming up and I think I will call someone late afternoon early eve just to say why I wont be there and let someone know what is going on.  Ugh I hate calling people, especailly like this.  we had talked before about him getting  a job closer to home which would at the least mean less gas and driving and possibly riding his bike.  But I worry that no one will want to hire him now.  if we were both working (and with me at the wheel of the $) we could really knock out this debt.  Then we could save up for another car.   Anyway I am still hanging in, but I can see that the breakdown is probably coming tonight.
Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
5:57 pm
one day at a time
my husband and I were planning on going to the zoo today, but alas he never came home.  I realized early this morning that yesterday was his 4 mo but with the party and aftermath I hadn't looked at the calender.  I knew it would be coming soon, I just hadn't thought about it.  Anyway, him not coming home pretty much means that he is drinking again.  Which is sad, but honestly I have pretty well avoided thinking about it.  Or at least freaking out and going through the rainbow of emotions I always have before.  Maybe they are yet to come, but in general I just think I am coping better.  He hadn't gone to any meetings lately because he was short on sleep and so instead of going he just slept.  before he went to work last night he called his sponcer and cancelled their meeting today.  I didn't know until after and I said you didn't have to do that (cuz we were going to the zoo) and he said that he could meet with him anytime.  The one thing I am feeling is that it is my fault.  Logically I almost know that isn't true, but I feel like if I hadn't been so wrapped up in my grad party stuff that I would have realized his 4 mo was coming and made a bigger deal about it.  And I guess I feel like then he would have been less likely to disapear again.  I realized this morning and made him a sign and put it by the door with balloons left over from my party so he would see it right away when he got home, but now it just seems like a depressing reminder that he isn't home and he could porentally be gone for several days again.  in which case he will have no job etc.  he wasn't going to work tonight either so he is free to binge all he likes.  The other thing I am feeling guilty about which really is stupid is wanting to go to the zoo.  I actually know that is dumb because I had no idea he had a meeting with his sponcer planned and there is nothing wrong with me wanting to go to the zoo on his day off.  But I still feel bad.  I knew he was going to meetings less, but frankly I figured I might bring it up today actually, in a comment sort of way, because I was really trying to not be bossy about anything, I don't want to be his sponcer!  I hated and still hate the ways that I would have to take charge of things (such as bills) - which brings me to another worry ...how much is he going to charge on the Credi card.  did I mention we also only have the one car?  I mean I am struggling to get all this debt accrued due to drinking in the first place the last thing I need is for him to add to it again!   He already doesn't carry cash becuase then it disappears and I don't know where it goes, but the credit card is in my name and it is supposed to be for emergencies only.  AUGH!   I can't do this again!  but strangley this time I am more calm about it all, I really am taking it one day at a time, there is no use worrying just yet whether he will come home today or tomarrow (after that I admit I will start cancelling stuff).  I mean I just feel like I have wasted the past 10 years of my life waiting for this otherwise wonderful person to "grow up".  I want to have kids!  I will not put any kids through this.  I am greatful for al-anon.  I actually have people that I can potentally call (which I never have) but still.  I have my degree now, but what good does that do me if I can't get anywhere~!  (only one car & in a more rural area).  like I said I am pretty calm now.....but still I am hurting.  3 people have noticed I lost weight in the last week, and now all I want to do is eat again.  Grrrr. 
Saturday, July 29th, 2006
2:36 pm
Al-Anon Alternative
Also check out the community Ala-Not

A forum for intellectual discussion about addiction, recovery and everything in between. Forge your own steps, make your own traditions, "Cross talking" highly encouraged. Children, Parents, Friends and Family, as well as those struggling with addiction/recovery issues encouraged to join and post to the community. We promise... no chants, no slogans, no serenity prayers.
Friday, July 21st, 2006
10:32 am
My name is Jordan,  I am an pre-transition FTM (female to male transexual). I am 17. I suffer from depression and gender identity disorder. Whenever I feel down, I resort to hurting myself or by drinking. Lately it has been mostly the second to which I resort to. I am worried about my dependancy on alchohol, whenever I want to cover something up or feel better, I drink. So I joined this community.

Current Mood: curious
Wednesday, June 14th, 2006
9:21 pm
I just wanted to post a little hello here. I joined this community at five this morning after I browsed the Al-anon website, took the questionaire about if Al-anon was for me, and broke down in tears as I marked yes to every question.

Growing up I never understood what was wrong (for lack of a better word) with me. Over the past two years Ive slowly learned that its not me, its what I've been through that made me who I am today.

I come from a line of addiction, none of it resulted in physical abuse, but the mental and emotional abuse is what trapped me in this web of codependancy, fear, hatred, etc. I describe my life as a box full of spiderwebs. Everytime I try to climb out one of those sticky pieces of my life pull m back.

But I realize now that Im not alone and its ok to work on me. The website and my mom (whom now attends Al-anon and NA meetings because her mother was addicted to alchol and narcotics and my step-father was an alcholic) is getting me to a place where I feel I have the strength, power and will to change.

I am searching for a group or even several to find a safe place. I've never attended a meeting, but I'm looking for one now. This post is my beginning towards recovery and I hope as my life unfolds my story will help others as theirs have helped me.
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
5:38 pm
Hi, I just found this community last night.  I just joined Al-Anon a week and a half ago.   I said I wouldn't join.  When my alcoholic started to seek treatment I said they are going to tell you to have me go to Al-Anon, and I am telling you right now that I aint going!   I thought "why should I be punished me, it isn't my problem".  But I read the literature, and last week at a time I was feeling more open it finally hit me: I was already suffering, I was already being punished.  Al-Anon sure couldn't hurt, and if I didn't like it I never had to go back.  I have gone 4x now, to 3 different groups, just checking them out seeing which goups I click with.  I really like it and I have found some solace there.  It is also getting me out an meeting new people.  For the first time in years - I don't have to hide the behavior or cover up.   It has been beyond hard.  I have completely isolated myself, I had tried everything, lost myself....  So this has been a really good thing for me.  I thought Al-Anon was how to help the Alcoholic or how to make sobriety easier for them.  But really it is about separating yourself from the problem and learning how to have peace and letting go.  This is really a hard process, but it feels so much easier than trying to control the uncontrollable.  It is less exhausting than trying to always figure out what I could have done differently.  It isn't me, "I didn't cause it I can't control it & I can't change it."  

It is something that I felt shame for, and still do frankly, but it isn't my fault.  It is something that I no one else could really understand, except for those people who have dealt with the pain of an alcoholic themselves.   The understand the worry, anger, frantic love and deep hatred.  They have been through it all in varying degrees themselves.

I keep hearing this song in my head, particularly the part in bold.

Time takes a cigarette, puts it in your mouth
You pull on your finger, then another finger, then your
The wall-to-wall is calling, it lingers, then you forget
Ohhh, you're a rock 'n' roll suicide

You're too old to lose it, too young to choose it

And the clock waits so patiently on your song
You walk past a cafe but you don't eat when you've lived
too long
Oh, no, no, no, you're a rock 'n' roll sucide

Chev brakes are snarling as you stumble across the road

But the day breaks instead so you hurry home
Don't let the sun blast your shadow
Don't let the milk float ride your mind
You're so natural - religiously unkind

Oh no love! you're not alone
You're watching yourself but you're too unfair
You got your head all tangled up but if I could only make you care
Oh no love! you're not alone
No matter what or who you've been
No matter when or where you've seen
All the knives seem to lacerate your brain
I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain
You're not alone

Just turn on with me and you're not alone
Let's turn on with me and you're not alone
Let's turn on and be not alone
Gimme your hands cause you're wonderful [x2]
Oh gimme your hands.

Saturday, February 12th, 2005
10:45 pm
My name is Jam and my boyfriend is an alcoholic.

We've been through some really rough times over the past year or so and I fear that I am going to lose him to the bottle.

He is 28 years old and drinks whiskey like it's water. He drinks at work, at home, in his car and everywhere else he can. He hides bottles from me and lies to me when I ask him he if he's been drinking.
He recently took a leave of absence from work (he also sufferes from severe depression) and he moved in with me last month.

Now he's decided that he wants to move back to the town where he grew up because all his "friends" are there. These are all nice people, but they all drink a lot. He says he's not happy here and he has to leave. He says that he loves me but he can't deal with me "bitching" about him drinking. I have been very supportive and very agressive in trying to help steer him toward AA and a psychiatrist but it just isn't working. I think the reason why he wants to move back there is because there is noone there that will make him face his drinking and mental issues.

I told him tonight (he called me and I could tell he'd been drinking) and I told him that if he chooses to move back there and ignore his alcohol problem that I couldn't be a part of his life anymore. He told me that everyone has told him what he shouldn't do, but noone has told him what he should do. That's simply not true. I repeated what I had told him countless times before, that he needs to get into AA and get a good sponser and he needs to start seeing his psychiatrist. He told me that those are short term solutions which I disagree with. In my opinion, recovering from alcoholism and depression is a life long journey and it takes hard work and determination.

He thinks that he can surround himself with his "friends" and still stop drinking and get help. I just don't see that happening and I told him so. I told him that I would love to see that work but isn't surrounding yourself with people that have the same problem you do kind of defeating the purpose?

His parents want him to move back to FL which although I don't want to be away from him I think is a good idea. He needs to get help and he can't do that if he moves back to be with his friends.

I love him so much and seeing him destroy his life tears me apart. It kills me to tell him that if he decides to move back to where his old friends are that I will leave him but I know that's the right thing to do. I think I've been enabling him by being too understanding and letting him get away with some of the awful things he's said and done.

My hope is that he'll hit rock bottom and finally see what he's doing to himself and the people that love him. I think I've done all I can to help him. I can't force him into a treatment center and I can't force him to quit drinking.

I hate giving ultimatums like that, but I think in this case it's the best thing to do.

Anyway, that's my story. I'm glad I found this community because this is so hard to deal with and it would be great to get some feedback from other people who have been where I am now.

x-posted to alanon and incogneato
Tuesday, February 8th, 2005
7:19 pm
hey, i'm kylie. i'm new to this community. on monday i just went to my first al-anon meeting. i'm glad that i can find people i can relate to..especially on livejournal. add me if u wanna be friends.
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